It Ain't Rocket Science...

copyright ERB inc 1927, used without permision
... But it was brain surgery!!! that was the order of the day approximately three months ago when I underwent a daring and cutting edge brain surgery to improve my chances with the ladies... Of course everyone knows the above picture is a gross departure from reality and that it is completely false; martian scientists are more of an apple-red and less of a brassy, orangey, crimson-red. This is merely an artist's rendering of the events which took place.

After careful research, I decided upon the perfect candidate for my experiment. Andy Dick was obviously the only choice. Women love a guy who can make them laugh. What better comedic genius to absorb than that of actor/comedian Andy Dick?
As you can clearly see from these two photos, the transition was an outstanding success. I accomplished my goal. I was now a self absorbed, self critical, comedic genius. Unfortunately, I failed to realize that there were several holes in my plan. I have no clue how I could have over looked such important details.

1. It is fairly obvious that Andy Dick is gay.
(I have nothing against gay people, but accounting for the goal of this surgery, to get ladies, makes it obvious that this is not going to work.)

2. Andy Dick is not that funny. (sorry Andy, but seriously)

3. Martians are great at making brain swaps... they are less great at swapping them back.

After many hours of painful surgery, I had come to a single conclusion: There was nothing wrong with my brain or my method of attracting members of the opposite sex. I just needed to relax, cool my jets, and learn to wait for the RIGHT person. The laws of attraction take care of everything else. Also, that switching brains with celebrities, no matter how B-listed they may be, is always a bad decision. They are not like you and I. Our brains just can not seem to comprehend in the same way. Perhaps, they are more like martian scientists...